Hello and welcome to my first in a series of 60-minute writing exercises that take the shape of blogs.
For a long time, I have wanted to share my thoughts and insights through articles, but perfectionism has often gotten in the way. Yet I believe I have valuable experiences to share—whether for filmmakers, artists, friends, or just myself.
So, I’m going to try this: a gift to myself of 60 minutes to write the article, and then I will publish it, however it turns out. Consider it a form of beat writing, an attempt to free myself as a writer and an opportunity to meditate on life, my artistic practice, and whatever else comes to mind. I hope to write with integrity and authenticity. Here we go.
Setting the Scene
Currently, I am on a train having just departed Kings Cross. My change is at Shipley, and I have around three hours until I reach home. I’ve been working on a filming project focused on empowering school teachers in SEND schools through dance. As I travel home, the sun sets, painting the sky with stunning hues of gold, red, and purple. I tried to take a photo, but, as per the way when you try to take a photo like this on the train, the scene always disappears behind the trees and instead I ended up with a type of self portrait.
Pulling into Stevenage.
Being Present
I am liking this writing method; it feels very present. I think being present is a big aim for a lot of us at the moment. Interestingly filmmaking as a whole makes me very present in the moment. As I look and listen that moment becomes so powerful, so intentional, as I essentially bring respect to that moment and honour it as it is, sometimes motivating it, sometimes catalysing it, encouraging it, but often just observing it. And when I do encourage it, I intend for it to only be to help elevate and empower it to communicate itself in an authentic and clear way.
Filmmaking is inherently mindful. Recently, I came across a concept stating that filmmakers can be seen as either archaeologists or architects. They uncover the story, or they build it. In the most part I am an archeologist. And that has encouraged my curiosity so much. The train is moving again now.
Finding Connection in Frustration
Last night as I travelled in to London, I was in a ‘quiet’ coach, as in amount of people, but someone was playing quite loud and annoying sounds on loudspeaker. It was frustrating and I found myself frustrated at that person. The action was frustrating and I was focussed on a frustrated energy. But then I tried to change that. I imagined if I was speaking to them, not about the music, but more about things in general, trying to find a connection. I tried to humanise them, and although it was a fictitious imagining, as I could never tell how they would communicate with me, it chilled me out.
It reminded me of a time I was sat on a train and feeling particularly emotional about being away from my little girl. I had had a very busy time, and I was really missing her. I was wanting to go home. But two students of mine had invited me to the premiere of a film they had made after being hugely inspired by the film I created Where the Shadows Meet the Light. I was on the way home, but told my partner about the invite and the reason the students were inviting me and she reassured me I should go. Family always comes first, but my students do mean a lot to me, like my work and filming mission. And I think these things, in fact I know these things make me a better person, and I bring that home to my family. Now, my quantifier for if I will do a project and be away from my little one is whether it will make the world better and make me a better father when I return. So yes, I was on the way to the premiere, and had just made my connection at Leeds. I believe if I remember correctly, the sun was setting then too. And I think it was on the other side of the train.
Acts of kindness should not be extraordinary
Anyway, I was thinking about how much I miss my little one and was feeling very emotional. Behind me I heard a child saying they were hungry, and a mother apologising so gently as the buffet car wasn’t going to be open for another 10 minutes (or some reason they needed to wait before they could get food on the train). The mother was really apologising to their child and the child was saying they really wanted some food. This made me think, and I decided to check my side bag as I often have snacks ready for my little one when we are out and about, and sure enough I had happened to leave an oat bar in my bag. I turned around and asked the mum if she would like it for her child. She was so grateful, and certainly the child loved it. What happened next was someone else then offered their banana and suddenly the child was happily munching away on a collection of snacks. People were smiling around us. As I did in that moment, I now have tears in my eyes thinking about how little actions of kindness can ripple out in so many ways. I don’t tell you this story to say I’m great, but because this moment was one of connection, and really made me appreciate in a tangible and direct way, that as hard as it is to be away from family, I am out trying to make the world better, and I am honoured to do this. And it fills my soul with beauty.
About 27 minutes in to this blog.
Defining the Journey
So I got to the event where a number of my students had their films and it was a gorgeous night. I’m so proud of them all and they had all created films with such integrity. It was powerful to experience. Beautiful ripples.
Funnily enough in London just now I was thinking about some of my students who had just graduated and are now at university in London. I’m so proud of them and very excited for their next steps. I really liked that as I was teaching those particular students I started to hone my voice as an educator. I believe in democratising education, fostering a circular and non-hierarchical ecosystem of sharing. Yes, I have knowledge to offer and guide, but I see my ‘students’ as autonomous creators who are navigating their own journey, and I am there, alongside so many other influences in their life, to offer a guidance from my own experience and value base, but it is all around them shaping their authentic voice.
This is all really defining Bokehgo moving forward, it is about nourishing the ecosystem I am a part of. As a self taught filmmaker, I had to carve out my own space in the industry, and still to this day, with a powerful body of work growing everyday, I am still not really a part of the established orthodox British ‘film industry’. But I love where I am, because I am an independent filmmaker empowered by huge amounts of communities and people who believe in me. And I carry their trust, respect and belief with me in every step. My first commissions speak to my latest, and I am ever on a pursuit of...
Well that has stopped me typing.
How would I describe this pursuit? What is it? I prefer journey over pursuit as a first thing.
Is it knowledge, is it connection, is it love, is it hope? I guess words that are in my head right now are joy, peace, ambition, empowerment, support, love, compassion, understanding, curiosity.
I will likely keep exploring this as I write to you and me, but I know this is a journey. Or better yet an adventure. Filmmaking, the art of observing and platforming our world is a mechanism through which I discover the universe. And I know I don’t feel lost as I did when I was solely working as an artist. Don’t get me wrong, I am an artist now, an artist of film, but before I discovered the camera, I think I was searching without a grip of the foundation that underpinned me. Filmmaking is intrinsic to my identity and is a philosophy and a compass to my exploration of life.
I don’t know what to write next, so I will pause.
…
Reflecting on Creation
This led me to a filming day in Marsden in which I brought together some actors, dancers, filmmakers, make-up and costume artists and we attempted play. But I found it hard, really hard in fact, as I started to fall into the comfortable and established ways of making film that I knew would create pleasing results. I felt obliged to everyone involved to make an outcome that felt accomplished and pleasing. But actually we were there to be daring.
Another time, I was in my garden, with my wonderful little girl lying on my stomach, she was months old at this point. I had just read John Yorke’s Into the Woods and was musing over writing and the 3 act and 5 act structures, when suddenly my little one gave me perhaps the biggest eureka of my career: she was mesmerised watching the light shining through the moving leaves on the trees. Funnily enough the word came to me yesterday - Komorebi.
It was one of the most powerful moments of my life. And suddenly the place where my heart meets film was revealed, thanks to the guidance of my wonderful little one. She is my drive for making the world better through film and she opened my artistic heart into understanding that film really is about these moments. The dance of light in beautiful moments of time. That was my purest experience of a cinema of the universe. And I carry that energy in my heart, mind and soul with all I do. My films are looking to show that light as it dances through the leaves of a tree. And that is magic. And life, our world, is magic, when we view it through the correct lens. And I hope that through sharing my lens with as much truth and integrity and authenticity, that I can encourage others to hone their lenses onto this beauty.
My partner has eloquented a thought I was sharing that we are all small and beautiful pieces of stardust. And we have so much to explore in this universe.
It is 1 hour, 1 minute and 30 secs (ish). Thank you for your time. I really value this opportunity to reflect, share and discover.
Speak soon.
X
Commenti